All Rise

By DannyR

All rise.
Court is now in session.
Thank you, let’s hear from the Prosecution.
Thank you, Your Honour, Jury Members,
And now, ladies and gentle-men
Are you all paying attention?
I present for your inspection
The proof of this man’s transgression.
You may all remember,
When last we were in session
We heard from the Defendant
The ludicrous suggestion
That the cause of his aggression
Was sexual repression,
Spousal rejection,
The want of real respect and
A dearth of affection.
Be not fooled, it is deception,
As a lie, it is Perfection,
It obscures the evidence and
Seems a suitable defence. But
I beg you to reject it,
Don’t be fooled by his expression!
For he may seem penitent and
Resigned to his correction,
But he is hardly repentant,
I argue it was his intention
All along to get arrested
To escape his wife’s revenge for
Hiding all her underwear and
Setting fire to her hair. If
It please you, you should send him
Not to jail but to his bedroom
Without police protection
Where his wife may ease her tension
With a suitable reception;
And inflict on him the sentence, I’d
Suggest she takes a hair-pin
And inserts it up his rectum –
Yes thank you, Counsel for the Prosecution
But I'll decide the restitution.
Of course sir, it was only a suggestion.
But I have a lot invested
In seeing that man there divested
Of his smug self-assurances,
You see sir, he is my ex and
I’ve a personal vendetta,
I’d love to see him get a
Public flogging or even better
Brand him with a scarlet letter –
Yes, thank you Counsel, but I’ve said that
I’ll be the one to choose the sentence. Your
History is not pertinent,
In fact it’s a Conflict of Interest and
I think I'll Hold you in Contempt –
Your Honour, please I beg you,
I really do respect you
I apologise and guess I’ll
Have to step down from the bench –
Now, now, I see you’ve learned your lesson,
Counsel, is your case presented?
Aye the Prosecution rests, sir.
Then I think we’ll take a break here and
Let’s all go for a beer. We’ll
Adjourn ‘til, say, eleven?
Good.
All rise.

The Clamouring Silence

by DannyR

Too many monkeys screaming in my head,
Footfalls of silence, drumbeats of dread,
A sky full of airplanes, a puddle full of red,
And your voice telling me its time I went to bed.

The dogs protest the passing of the paperboy outside
The sky carries the promise of the dying of the light
The daisies in the vase on the sill have nearly died
And your voice telling me you’re not staying tonight.

The creak of the stairs on my way up to my room,
The moment’s hesitation as I peer into the gloom,
The darkness dispelled by the switch I flick anew
And your voice in the hallway as you bid me adieu.

No spiders ‘twixt the sheets nor goblins underneath the bed,
The pillow soft and cold beneath my weary heavy head,
A hundred thousand promises and the light have fled,
Your footsteps on the path outside a moment and you’ve left.

And still I hear the monkeys and I feel their greedy paws,
They chatter and they screech about societies and laws,
They paint themselves, no longer walking about upon all fours
They lie and steal but still their lies are nothing next to yours.

Shadows in the corners of my room are occupied,
Trees scratching on the windowpane, my eyes open wide,
The creaks and groans of timber, a kitchen full of knives,
The memory of your voice is little comfort now I find.

A shape there in the corner or a jacket on a chair?
A moment hiding ‘neath the sheets and now it’s moved I swear.
But nothing more occurs as into utter dark I stare,
The memory of your voice, the fervent wish that you were here.

Hours passing slowly, marching off into the gloom,
Following the example of the promises untrue
Leaving me alone, awake, here in this darkened room
They leave me to my nightmares, they leave me, just like you.

And still the monkeys scream, and the drumbeats do not fade
Though the light has disappeared with all the promises you made
And I’m drowning in the pool of blood, I cannot see the planes,
I swear I hear a footstep and I wish that you had stayed.

Fingers

These fingers of mine,
Neither slim nor long,
Neither manly nor strong
Nonetheless suffice
To service my vice.
The shower affords me
A suitable place
To invite my disgrace,
My fingers to employ
With horrible joy.
These fingers aren’t pretty
But neither am I,
We’re ideally suited,
These fingers and I.
Come fingers, I long now
To feel you within,
Punish me, purge me
Of gluttonous sin.
Come, fingers, now bring me
That I crave and yet loathe -
The hideous bliss of your
Rape of my throat.

-DannyR

Mother

What do you say to a mother?
How can you thank her enough,
But notice the sacrifices she makes
And repay them with undying love?

But what do you say to that mother
When all that you are won't suffice?
When she won't let you have an opinion,
Refuses to see through your eyes?

It's not easy being a mother, I know,
Of one son, let alone three,
And I'm sure that the job's made much harder
When one of those sons is me.

She must have been lonely, my mother,
Raising us left her no time to spare
Every penny she saved went into her boys
And our dad, well he just didn't care.

I want to tell her I love her,
I really do want to be friends;
But we really have so little to say to each other -
For that matter, the same can be said of my brothers -
It must distress her no end.

So what do you say to a mother
When she's given so much to you?
The words 'I love you' aren't nearly enough
But maybe they'll just have to do.

- DannyR

Alive

It wasn’t that I wanted
To forget where I’d come from,
But momentum won’t be argued with -
I was just swept along.
Now, looking back I’ve realised
I don’t know how I began,
I’ve forgotten all my lessons
And let slip the life I planned.

I find myself as washed ashore,
My stricken ship abandoned,
The wreckage strewn along the beach,
Seemingly at random.
And gazing back from whence I came
It feels as but a dream –
Some other life, a different world
Out there, beyond the sea.

Yet here am I, despite the storm
It seems that I survived,
The only thing that matters now
Is that I am Alive.

- Danny Rudd 13/04/08

Unfinished

When anyone meets my beautiful friend
They're sure to fall in Lust;
They worship the ground he walks on as
Inevitably they must.

He's earthy and warm and strong and dark,
His eyes gleam like burnished brass;
Compared to the plucked and waxed faggots
He's an angel of ages past.

But what makes him so attractive
Is his cheerful honesty,
He's happy to see you and says so
He wears his heart upon his sleeve...

- DannyR

To T & E, Happy Xmas

What could I write on this card?
I haven't got a clue,
There really isn't room to fit
Alll that I'd wish for you.
I'd wish you happiness and joy,
and wealth, and friends and fun;
I'd wish the stars, I'd wish the moon
I'd wish the morning sun.
In fact I'd find it hard to stop,
I should just keep it plain
And settle for one wish for now -
A perfect Christmas day.

- DannyR

Possibly

Possibly.
We'll have to see.
But you don't know
What's best for me,
You don't know
What's in my head
The dreams that haunt
Me in my bed.
I get scared,
You don't see why
There are feelings
That I hide.
Medicate me,
Numb the pain,
Turn off the lights
Within my brain
Leaving me
In darkness, here
Alone to face
My silent fears.
Leave me to
This 'misery'
Is it wise?
Well,
Possibly.

- DannyR 23/05/08

Bourbon (inspired by Nigel)

O wonderful elixir,
Drop from heaven,
Precious brew,
Nothing else can take away
My problems like you do.
Intoxicating draught,
Cure for angst
And tears and woe,
Come soothe my troubled heart
And then to slumber let me go.

DannyR

Eight Years

Eight years now I've given and
What have you done for me?
Though I've shown my committment
To this fickle family.
When you needed letters written
I wrote them, signed my name.
When you wouldn't speak up for yourselves
I stood up to be shamed.
You wanted to get married,
I took your cause up as my own
Though I knew I wouldn't benefit
I made your feelings known.
I manned the phones and held the line
Against religious freaks,
I trained to give words of advice
When you were suffering.
I've given up my evenings
And all anonymity,
You fucked me off, I held my tongue,
I didn't cause a scene.
When you were sick I comforted,
I took the time to care -
Though others washed their hands of you
I made sure I stood near
To let you know you're worth it,
That I love you as you are,
But sometimes I have to admit
You make it fucking hard.
You do nothing for yourselves
But it's me that gets the blame
When things go wrong, I'm on my own
To hell with what we've gained
And if I should show my differences
From all the rest of you
You treat me like a lepper,
Words of friendship ring untrue.
Eight years, and now looking back
What have I got to show?
I really did believe in you
But now I just don't know.

DannyR

Remembrance

There is no going back
It's a thing you come to learn,
As much as you might wish it
You know there is no return.
People change, affections fade,
We all move on with our lives,
That once held dear's forgotten -
Feelings swept out with the tide.
We find ourselves bent double
By the burden of the years,
We drag our feet in weariness
But still there come no tears.
For we know to just keep going
Never pausing to reflect,
Grievances we cherish look
Different in retrospect.
No, there is no going back,
All we have is what we feel,
And the bitter recollection that
Some wounds go too deep to heal.

DannyR

The First Two Poems I Ever Wrote...

Ode To A Pea

O little pea, so small and round
No greener vege can there be found!
You and your friends sit, small and neat
Between my pumpkin and my meat.
I know, O Pea, you are not odd
For you came from a small green pod
I'll eat you but don't think I'm mean
I know it's not easy, being green.

- DannyR (age 14?)

Lunch?

A plate, a fork, a knife, a spoon
A shame to be eating soup at noon.
I'd rather have sliced banana on toast
Or gravy and dumplings, and succulent roast.
I'd like chocolate cake, or strawberry jam
Icecream, or gherkins with cold juicy ham -
But alas, alack, this soup I slurp
This tasteless slop I gargle and burp
What was I thinking? Why did I try it?
This goo's enough to make me diet.
How I long for something remotely like food,
With a colour less like chicken poo.
Something fresh, not stale and old
Not reeking like a gangrenous mould.
Can't I have something hearty to munch?
(God give me a meal that deserves the name 'Lunch').

- DannyR (age 14?)

Matt

Sometimes when I see him
The word 'Love' springs to mind
There are few who speak to me
In tones so sweet and kind.
His wavy hair, his generous smile
His eyes as black as coals
That voice, so deep and rich and warm
It melts my very soul.
But then, I hardly know him so
Maybe 'Love' is not the word.
I'll ignore my heart's insistence -
Best develop a resistance,
Maybe get a little distance?
And reap the cost incurred.

Gentle Punishment, Administered daily

I myself am quite surprised
How masochism took me,
I never would have dreamed that I'd
Debase myself so freely.
And yet it's not in bruises
That I count the wounds received,
My punishment and prize is in
The words you speak to me.
For when you look my way
And call me by my name,
I want to run, I want to die -
Beside you I'm ashamed.
You are so very beautiful,
So poised and clear and calm
You, the candle, I, the moth,
The flame will do me harm.
Yet I cannot break away, for
By you I'm hypnotised.
I find my sweet destruction
In the blackness of your eyes.
To you I'm but a passer-by,
Not worth a second glance -
To me you are salvation,
Just beyond my grasp.
When you speak to me,
The painful thought, unbidden
Springs to mind that I
Must slink away, alone, guilt-ridden.
For if you knew the way I melt
At each and every word
You'd shy from me,
Your smile, you see
Is more than I deserve.
Wanting that I cannot have-
The touch I am denied -
I dream of being whole again
Instead of one defiled.
My self respect in tatters,
Crying in the bathroom stall
I wish that I was someone else
-Anyone at all.

DannyR

Autumn Vigil

Lustrous and cold
The clouds of the Dawn
Let fall shards of silver
This bitter March morn
And I, thinking of you,
Must shudder and sigh -
In the gloom of my room
Life passes me by.

- DannyR

Funny

It's funny
Once the chance is gone, and
There's nothing you can do,
When you've gone beyond redemption
And you're lost out in the blue,
You move beyond depression
And a numbness settles in,
And you wonder how you ever felt
Anything for him.

You can't quite fathom how
You came to give your heart away,
You feel a loss, you count the cost in
An academic way.
Somehow you just can't seem to care
If you should live or die,
All future plans just disappear
You banish all desire.

You're living by default,
Merely an automaton
Feeling somewhat disconnected,
All your former spark is gone.
It's funny,
When you lose all hope
Of ever being loved,
The nothingness just takes the pain
Leaving you unplugged.

-D Rudd

Fair Weather

I really should have guessed,
I'd have thought I would have known,
I said I'd seen it all before -
These symptoms you have shown.
I knew something wasn't right
But I really didn't care,
Too self-involved to spend the time,
Taken with my own affairs.
And now that you're unwell
I'm too ashamed to lend an ear -
What kind of friend am I?
Turning a blind eye,
Walking quickly by,
I pretend I'm unaware.