Voltron, Sex & Gender... A Thought Experiment.

The new Voltron Force TV show is great... it exists (roughly) within the same continuity as the original series, it simplifies the cast (or more specifically, their uniforms) to make it more obvious which pilot controls which giant robot Lion, slim-lines and individualizes the Lions for a more satisfying aesthetic, and introduces the very cool gimmick of having the Lions each take turns as the torso of the titular Voltron robot. Two of the new characters, cadets Vince and Daniel, are from minority racial groups, Black and Asian respectively, without any sort of fuss being made about the fact, and Vince especially proves himself to be at the heart of the new show and not just the ‘token’ Black (although it would still be nice to see a few more skin tones represented, but it’s a step in the right direction). Pidge is no longer the incredibly annoying character he once was, and in fact he sorta sets my gaydar pinging... I find myself wondering if this will be a Thing in the show (it’d be great if Voltron Force broke that particular new ground). To top it all off, we have environmental awareness entering the narrative, and not in some preachy, over-the-top way, but just as a part of the team’s regular code of practice. It’s a cool, slick and timely production that I’m sure kids are going to love. I sure as hell do.


And yet there’s one thing that still kinda gets my goat. Despite the show’s overall awesomeness, the sex-ratio is still definitely askew. In a regular cast of thirteen, we have only three female characters, and one of these was killed off/turned into a monster-of-the-week in what - the third episode? Leaving us with two girls, Princess Allura and her niece Larmina. New Allura is a HUGE improvement over Original Allura, whereas before the Princess of Planet Arus was your stereotypical pretty princess in pink, insecure, naive and a bit weak (although admittedly, she did take to piloting one of the five Lions after Sven, the original pilot, was injured), now she’s strong, rational, confident, capable of looking after herself and rescuing the boys, the very heart and soul of the team. I think I’m in love with a cartoon character, is what I’m saying. Her niece Larmina is another Strong Female Character, though in an altogether different way, and one that seems calculated to contrast with the weak and fragile depiction of women in the original cartoon. Larmina is physically strong, a much better fighter than the other two cadets, she’s the fiery redhead with the smack-talkin’ and sarcasm... a little less interesting than her aunt, in other words, kinda cliché. She was obviously written in to include the girls in the audience, to say ‘Hey! Girls can be badass too!’



But the fact remains that there are only two major female characters, and with such a paucity of females in the cast each has to be more a statement of female capability and strength than an actual character. It’s also worth noting that both Allura and Larmina are attractive, slim, White girls. Now, if it had been up to me, I’d have dispensed wit the annoying Cadet Daniel completely, or better yet, replaced him with another female character to try and balance those sex-scales a bit more, that would have given us a 4:9 ratio instead of a 3:10, which while better than the original show is still less than ideal.

Now, there are bound to be some of you out there who think I’m making a big deal out of nothing, and others who will have never given this sort of thing a second thought. The problem is, it happens ALL THE TIME... females are marginalised in pop culture, so much so that in any five-man-band in movies and TV, if there’s even a girl on the team at all she will be The Chick - her sex will be her defining characteristic. But why should girls be forced to identify with male role-models? Why should women be excluded from Action/Adventure stories like this? To me, it smells like ‘putting women in their place’ or just good old fashioned sexism - meaning that women and girls just aren’t ‘real’ people. So, as a thought experiment, I decided to reverse the sexes in Voltron Force, just to show what the Voltron universe might look like if men weren’t the ones hogging the limelight. To do this, I’ve taken the Premise and Opening Voice-Over from Voltron Force’s Wikipedia page and the character profiles from the combined Voltron/Voltron Force List of Characters page and changed all the names and personal pronouns. So, without further ado:

Premise

The exact relationship of Voltrix Force to the original 1980s Voltrix series is unspecified, as there are several visual and character inconsistencies (most notably, Prince Adonis having a teenage nephew who has lived "a lifetime on Arus" even though Adonis is unmarried and has no siblings), but the characters are five to seven years older than those in the original series, and the general concept of the original series is mostly accepted as back-story. Continuing the back-story, Princess Lotus was killed when Voltrix destroyed Doom Castle. Voltrix is being celebrated on Earth for the destruction of Queen Zarkis along with her forces (led by Lotus). However, due to the actions of Sky Marshall Warde, a corrupt official in the Galaxy Alliance, the Robot Lionesses go haywire and virtually destroy a city during the festivities. The Lionesses are immediately condemned, stripped of their duty as Defenders of the Universe and separated, with the Black Lioness locked away in Galaxy Alliance HQ and the other Lionesses sealed away on the planet Arus, the home of Prince Adonis. Though officially disbanded, the Voltrix Force secretly act to get the Black Lioness back while gathering three cadets (Danielle, Val, and Adonis’ nephew Lawrence) to train them to become future Force members and Lioness pilots. With the cadets by their side, the reunited Voltrix Force are needed once more not only to combat a resurrected Lotus and a new form of energy from another old enemy of theirs, but also to expose Warde's criminal actions.

Opening

The series intro is narrated by Danielle:

“Evil is back. The Drule Queen Lotus has returned with a dark energy that can destroy the galaxy. Our only hope, the Voltrix Force: a team of five heroic pilots that control five awesome robot Lionesses. When Lotus's Robeasts attack, Lionesses come together to form...Voltrix, Defender of the Universe.”

Characters

Commander Kelly: Commander and leader of the Voltrix Force, who pilots the Black Lioness that forms the bulk and head of Voltrix. Kelly wears a red uniform in the original series, and a black uniform in the new series. Kelly is a quiet individual who spends much of her time pondering her decisions, thinking up new strategies, and simply being a leader. She also has a hobby of reading books and can often be found doing so either in the pilot's lounge, or in her room. She seemingly cherishes Prince Adonis and is thought to be somewhat protective of him; her worst fear is that he would be forced to marry the evil Princess Lotus.

Lois: Second-in-command of Voltrix, who pilots the Red Lioness that forms the right arm of Voltrix. Lois wears a blue uniform in the original series, and a red uniform in the new series. She is a tall woman, both wiry and wily, and is always cracking jokes and teasing others whenever she gets the chance. She is the only one in the group who contests any of Kelly's commands. She is a flirt and a great pilot, though reckless at times.

Penny: Penny is the youngest, smartest, and smallest of the group; she pilots the Green Lioness that forms the left arm of Voltrix, and wears a green uniform. Her home planet Balto was destroyed by nuclear missiles from Queen Zarkis. Penny graduated from the academy at a young age, and her specialty is science. Like the others, she is well-trained in martial arts, and uses her size and agility to her advantage. Penny is not afraid to speak her mind, especially to the villains. Her heart is often in her words.

Svana: Svana, a Norwegian pilot, was the original second-in-command. She piloted the Blue Lioness and wore a black uniform at the very beginning of the original series. In Episode 6, she was badly injured during an attack by the sorcerer Hagar, and was sent away to the planet Ebb for medical treatment. Ebb was attacked and raided by Lotus' forces, and Svana was captured. The prison ship on which she was transferred accidentally crashed on Planet Doom and Svana went into hiding, becoming a hermit within the caves. She eventually encountered Adonis’ cousin from the Planet Pollux, Prince Roman, who had been sent to the slave mines after he rejected Lotus’ advances. During Svana's time on Planet Doom she witnessed Zarkis and Lotus' cruelty to their slaves, which drove her to the point of madness. She recovered thanks to Roman's emotional support and helped him escape Doom. Svana was later reassigned to the Planet Pollux with Roman and his sister Princess Banda. Svana eventually fell in love with Roman, though she was reluctant to pursue her feelings because she felt he was unworthy of him. She was always very quiet and reserved, and spoke only when she had something important to say. Though she may not show it, she is a very emotional person, and her heart is always leading her mind in any decision. Although Svana no longer pilots the Blue Lioness on a regular basis after Episode 6, she continued to be featured as a pilot for the Voltrix Force in the opening credits of the series while Adonis appears in the closing sequence. However, Svana piloted the Blue Lioness into combat on one more occasion, during the second season episode "Who's Flyin' Blue Lioness," and quickly demonstrated that her time away had not diminished her formidable combat piloting skills.

Prince Adonis: Prince Adonis of the planet Arus is the ruler of the Kingdom of Altair, as well as de facto ruler of the entire planet, and is also the object of Lotus’ affections. Son of the late Queen Alfin, Adonis inherited his mother’s authority on her death and is commander in chief and head of state for the planet Arus, and thus Commander Kelly’s superior. However, later he takes over for Svana as the pilot of the Blue Lioness that forms Voltrix's right leg, and defers to Kelly during operational engagements. Adonis wears a pink uniform in the original series, and a blue uniform in the new series. Though a bit naïve, especially with matters of romance, Adonis is a strong-willed person, and is very capable of ruling his planet, though some like Royal Advisor Corrine tend to doubt this ability. He is capable of invoking the dead, particularly his mother, the late Queen Alfin.

Hetty: Hetty is the strong-woman of the group, piloting the Yellow Lioness that forms Voltrix's left leg. She is shown wearing an orange uniform in the original series, and a yellow uniform in the new series. She may look tough and mean, but she has a soft heart, especially when it comes to children and puppies. She is never late for a meal. Though her friends tease her about her appetite, most of Hetty’s bulk is muscle. It is revealed that she eats "'Fruit Loops' (almost) every morning".

Cadets

Danielle: Exclusive to Voltrix Force, she is one of three new cadets for the Voltrix team. She and Val were once cadets for the Galaxy Alliance, but were selected to be cadets for the Voltrix Force due to their piloting skills. She also has a liking for going fast. She’s kind of impulsive, always getting into trouble; though sometimes her antics are beneficial to the success of Voltrix Force. She sometimes gets jealous of Val and Lawrence because of their connections to Voltrix, and tends to feel left out of the group.

Val: Exclusive to Voltrix Force, she is one of three new cadets for the Voltrix team. She and Danielle were once cadets for the Galaxy Alliance, but were selected to be cadets for the Voltrix Force due to their piloting skills. She also has impressive technical skills and appears to have some kind of power that links her to Voltrix. The reason of why Val has it is currently unknown, but recently it has been revealed that the Voltrix Lionesses have programming that enables them to use Val’s power as a "Key" to allow Voltrix to accomplish special functions when the situation calls for it, particularly to make new formations of Voltrix with new powers by reconfiguring with a different Lioness forming the main body while having the Black Lioness form a limb. This explains the true nature of Val’s power, particularly why it tends to act on its own. Val can use her power under her own will, but it takes a lot of concentration and effort.

Lawrence: Exclusive to Voltrix Force, he is one of three new cadets for the Voltron team. He is highly skilled in hand-to-hand combat and is Adonis’ nephew. While Adonis is unmarried and an only child, the original Voltrix series twice featured Adonis’ surviving Uncle. It is possible that this man is Lawrence’s father, with 'Uncle' being a title of respect to an elder cousin.


See? Male characters not only dominate pop culture, but they’re much more fleshed out than female characters, on the whole. By switching the sexes, we get a great variety of female characters with different body shapes and sizes, skills, interests and preferences (I’ve NEVER seen a female character on TV or in a movie being individualized to the extent of having a favourite food - have you?) It just goes to show, doesn’t it?

Now you can make fun of the names I chose if you like, I’m not committed to them I was just trying to prove a point, and that point required changing the obviously or implicitly male names to obviously female ones. I tried to keep them as similar as I could, but honestly, sometimes it was hard to think of a substitute. There is no female version of ‘hunk’ that starts with an ‘H’, and ‘Pidge’ isn’t even a real name. On the other hand, ‘Svana’ is, funny enough, an actual Norwegian girl’s name, so I was pleased with that one. And changing ‘Daniel’ to ‘Danielle’ was just obvious. ‘Voltrix’ sounds a bit silly, but I figured the gender of the robot had to change as well, because Voltron is male by default (Incidentally, turning all or even just four of the Voltron Lions into Lionesses makes a lot of sense, because in a pride of real lions, the lionesses not only outnumber the males, but they do the ‘lion’s share’ of the work, too. Just sayin’). I chose to change Allura’s name to ‘Adonis’ because her name emphasizes her attractiveness, she may as well have been called ‘Generic Pretty Princess,’ in fact. If that’s acceptable to do to girls, it should be acceptable to do to guys too, and the name of the mythical Greek character ‘Adonis’ has basically come to mean ‘handsome man’ in contemporary use. As for not changing the characters’ uniform colours... whoever said girls had to wear pink in the first place? Who said guys can’t? When I’ve asked my female friends their favourite colours, none of them have answered pink. Girls’ colour preferences are as varied as boys’. And besides, in this adaptation, where women make up the majority of the cast, colour-coding girls as pink is kind of meaningless. Happily, my lone male pilot ends up in the blue Lioness, so the same basic gender-coding effect is achieved :)



"You can tell I'm a girl because I wear pink tee-hee!"

Doctor Who Season 5 - What I'm Hoping For

What I've seen evidence for so far (and what it means?):

The TARDIS is looking new again, back to it's 1960s look.

> Maybe D11 crossed his own timeline and stole an earlier incarnation's TARDIS?


We know that River Song will be back, very likely in the in the wake of the crash of the Byzantium that she referred to in Silence in the Library. We see two versions of her - one in military attire, handcuffed, and one dressed to the nines behind some smoke.

> I think the smoky, dressed up River is a message from the future.
> D11 and Amy Pond meet the army-uniformed River, and D11 recognises her, but she doesn't know who he is, an exact reversal of their previous meeting (from his perspective), at the end of her life. Perhaps he introduces himself as the Doctor, but she doesn't believe him, having met and perhaps begun a relationship of sorts with an older incarnation (in Silence she said D10 was the youngest she'd ever seen him and D11 is even younger), perhaps she doesn't know about regeneration yet? I think she'll have faith and help him somehow, and will be subsequently arrested.


We know D11 meets Winston Churchill and some British Daleks, painted in British Army colours.

> I hope that the Daleks are being sneaky, perhaps working with both the Germans and the British, manipulating the outcome of the war while pretending to serve both sides. I hope there are only a handful of Daleks, because they are robbed of their menace by having huge invasion forces wiped out instantly over and over again - they're just too easily defeated! Let them escape to scheme again, rather than be destroyed... please!

>> On the subject of Daleks, I'd like to see them in just ONE story per season, mid-way through rather than at the end, manipulating events rather than going all-out to invade, occasionally being outside of their casings and killing people just as they are. Bring back the Supreme Dalek! Make the ordinary Daleks grey again!


Other hopes:

More emphasis on the weird nature of time-travel -- don't just treat it like a plane trip to another country!

Get rid of Torchwood!

Get rid of the Slitheen - FOREVER!!

Retain some Bad Wolf hints! (though this is pretty unlikely).

Have the Cybermen from this universe come into conflict with the Cybus Cybermen from the alternate universe?

Show UNIT being arrogant and dodgy!

Retain musical motifs from RTD years!

Redeem the Sontarans - make them look less gay!

Make Amy Pond dodgy or criminal!

Weep, Weep For Future Generations...

Here's a short list of some of my favourite quotes from the atrociously spelt and narrated Harry Potter fan-fic 'My Immortal' by Tara 'Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.' You can find the full hilarious story at http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/chapters122.htm Just for a bit of context, Ebony/Enoby/Eboby is a vampire goth in Slytherin House at Hogwarts, her bisexual vampire goth boyfriend is Draco/Drak/Darko Malfoy, Harry Potter has changed his name to Vampire and... yes, he's a bisexual vampire goth... noticing a trend? A good third of the story is actually incredibly detailed descriptions of vitually indistinguishable black outfits and identical emo concerts, there's sex, drugs, murder and bad grammar. My Immortal also has perhaps the biggest fanbase of any internet fan-fic - nobody can quite decide if it's serious or a vicious parody. So without further ado (and without any editing)....

Dumbledore: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT"" Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

"Hey bitch you look kawaii."

"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!" Snape ejaculated menacingly. "You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily.

"Volfemort has him bondage!"

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1"

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"

"CUM NOW!1!" Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily.

"Suddenly an idea I had. I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape."

"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

"Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.

"OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry.

A chapter after Loopin "masticates" outside of Enoby's window, Tara took a second stab at it: "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.

"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether.

I smelled happily.

"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally.
"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax." said Profesor Trevolry.

Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!"

Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!

"But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot."

"I laffed statistically."

"We went sexily to Potionz class. But Snap wasn't there. Instead there was…………………………………………Cornelio Fuck!11111"

"“OMFG!!! Im back in Tim again!!!!111” I screamed loudly."
"“Oh my fukking god!!!! Voldimort! Voldimort!” screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort’s."

"then suddenlyn………………. the floor opened. “OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly.”"

Two And A Half Hours I Won't Ever Get Back...

Ok so tonight I went and saw Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen, knowing full-well that it would be mindless trash, having seen the other terrible films that make up Director Michael Bay's life work, including its predecessor, Transformers. At the end, I found myself quite unable to articulate my feelings on the movie I'd just seen, so and so when I got home I perused the Interwebs to find something, ANYTHING, that might get the verbage going again, my brain having been for all intents and purposes liquified by the seemingly endless explosions and gunfire I'd witnessed. Below, I've copied and pasted the two reviews that I feel come closest to capturing the essence of this cinematic abortion...

The Empire Strikes Out
Retrieved 02/07/09 from http://www.flickfilosopher.com/blog/2009/06/062309transformers_revenge_of_the_fa.html

I’m certain that someday it will be acknowledged that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is like the most totally awesome artifact ever of the end of the American empire. It’s so us, a preposterously perfect reflection of who we are: loud, obnoxious, sexist, racist, juvenile, unthinking, visceral, and violent... and in love with ourselves for it. And Michael Bay is the high priest of our self-engrossment. It’s not enough that we like blowing shit up: the blowing shit up must be transubstantiated into something religious by having, say, a ridiculously gorgeous girl humping a motorcycle, her face aglow in the golden hour of sunset as she watches the shit get blown up, her glossy lips parted just a little in orgasmic joy.

What we have right here is the Easter Island statue of our legacy. People 1,000 years from now will gaze at Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in wonder and mystery and marvel how we just couldn’t see. How could we not see?

I liked the first Transformers, two summers ago. It worked because it pretended to absolutely nothing, aspired to absolutely nothing beyond being a big dumb loud brainless advertisement for toys. Unlike every other propagandistic Michael Bay film, which all revel in their jingoism about justice or patriotism or heroism, Transformers felt no need to bother. If only Hollywood could have left well enough alone.

Of course, in Hollywood, “well enough alone” means you wear out a franchise with 12 movies, until even the fanboys are complaining that it’s stupid and a budget-bloated sequel finally bankrupts the studio. We’re nowhere near that, though. Transformers 3 is coming soon to a theater near you, you may rest assured of that.

I was ready for Revenge to be as agreeably inconsequential as the first film, and I was perfectly happy to be enjoying that it’s so completely fuckin’ bonkers from the get-go, when we discover that the alien robot things have been on Earth from 17,000 BC, when they apparently fought off Stargate’s Goa’uld or something for the right to pick on the poor uncivilized cavepeople natives. But then I got lost beyond that, for -- unlike the first movie -- this one either assumes that you’re steeped in the laughable mythos that Hasbro invented for its toys, or else screenwriters Ehren Kruger (The Brothers Grimm, The Skeleton Key) and the team of Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman (Star Trek, Mission: Impossible III) invented a new laughable mythos. I’m not an eight-year-old boy, and I wasn’t in the 1980s either, so I don’t know which is which.

It’s something to do with an ancient bloodfeud between the good robots (the Autobots) and the bad robots (the Decepticons). You can tell which are the good robots -- they have blue eyes and are nice and round and shiny and look like Japanese motorcycles or something Paul Walker drove in Fast & Furious or gas-guzzling, all-American pickup trucks manufactured by companies now in bankruptcy -- and you can tell which are the bad robots: they’re very pointy and have red eyes. Beyond that, there’s a lot of high-falutin’ about wrongs done eons ago and such: it’s impossible to understand 90 percent of the Transformers’ dialogue, which is probably a blessing, because the other 10 percent sounds like Gandalf explaining to Frodo about the Ring, or Darth Vader grumbling about the damn Jedi Knights, but without the gravitas of either.

Apparently the good robots have discovered that Shia LaBeouf is Indiana Jones’s kid, because they send him on a mission to find an ancient doohickey from 17,000 BC in the North African desert. And luckily his superhot girlfriend (Megan Fox: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People) is along to gape in ecstatic joy at stuff blowing up and blue-eyed robots and red-eyed robots beating one another up over the ancient whatchamacallit, which is supposed to have the power to do something-or-other.

To call Revenge incoherent and bloated is to put it kindly. To say that Michael Bay fetishizes slow-motion and we still can’t see what the hell is happening the half the time is probably something he’d take as a compliment. But eventually I got so bored -- for these two and a half hours feel much, much longer than the same two and a half hours the first movie consumed -- that I lost track of the number of testicle jokes and taser jokes that flew by. The target audience will be pleased to know, perhaps, that yes: one joke combines testicles and tasers. It’s like the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup of frat-boy humor.

But it’s all good, because, you see, even though a Decepticon snatches the American flag from the Brooklyn Bridge as a show of contempt for us puny humans, it’s back later. America rules! Take that, Decepticons!

Welcome to Easter Island.

Viewed at a semi-public screening with an audience of critics and ordinary moviegoers. Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, language, some crude and sexual material, and brief drug material.


Small Penis Humilation
- by Dustin Rowles
Retrieved 02/07/09 from http://www.pajiba.com/film_reviews/transformers-revenge-of-the-fallen-review.php

I realize I’m stating the obvious here, but it bears elucidation in light of this review because it’s the single biggest driving force behind Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Michael Bay has a profoundly tiny dick. The man has a diminutive dangler — what’s known in medical circles as a micro-penis (less than 2.75 inches erect). And rather than seek psychotherapy for his small penis humilation, Mr. Bay deals with his itty-bitty anxieties by hiding behind his work. It’s classic overcompensation; all the symptoms are manifested in his person — long hair, leather jackets, sports cars — but none more evident than his pursuit of aggrandizement in Revenge of the Fallen. His desire to embiggen Transformers II over its predecessor — to make bigger in power, to enlarge our conceptions — is clearly an attempt to conceal his sexual inadequacy.

It’s sad, really. Mr. Bay has no ability to drive, thrust, shove or plunge. All he has in his arsenal is a malevolently irritating poke delivered with a toothsome sneer, the flick of his mullet, and a decidedly timorous and almost hopeful, “Do you like that, baby?” And so Mr. Bay takes these frustrations out in his films, and in Revenge of the Fallen his eagerness gets the best of him. It’s easy to suggest that the two-and-a-half hour series of explosions, cheesy toddler one-liners, and cacophonous, bass-heavy noises is all part of an ongoing big-dick swinging contest Mr. Bay has with McG, but if you look closer, you’ll see what’s really at play here. Revenge of the Fallen is little more than a series of explosions transposed with shots of Megan Fox’s cleavage and/or ass. Mr. Bay sees what he cannot have in the bedroom, and out of those phallic frustrations, he obliterates everything in his wake like a petulant little child who destroys the contents of his toy chest because he’s been denied an ice cream cone. Those Transformers are his toys; the big screen is his bedroom; and sexual competence is the ice cream cone that will forever elude him.

Serial killers are often associated with small-penis syndrome and though there may be little veracity in that theory, it’s apparent that Michael Bay shares the same hedonistic soullessness of a Ted Bundy or Leonard Lake. There’s not an ounce of life in the Fallen’s script. But there is little denying that the man knows how to film an action sequence — 44 years of practice borne out of sexual insufficiency will make a person an expert. In Revenge of the Fallen, Bay sticks to what he knows, barely capable of poking his spectacle into a narrative framework. It’s a battle of good and evil. Autobots vs. Decepticons. Megatron is pulled from the sea to assist the original Decepticon, Fallen (a metaphor for Lucifer? No: For Bay’s limp junk). Fallen wants avenge an ancient slight against the planet Earth by finding an instrument hidden in a monstrous Egyptian obelisk that will allow him to stab out the sun (there’s some metaphorical wish fulfillment for you).

Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) spends all of one day in college, where he is attacked by a human-shaped Decepticon (Isabel Lucas) with a phallic tail, before he is recruited by Optimus Prime to act as an ambassador between the Autobots and the United States military, which has an uneasy relationship with the Transformers. That relationship becomes moot, however, when Fallen and the other Decepticons invade Earth in search of that sun-diffusing instrument, which Sam — along with the assistance of Megan Fox’s low-cut blouses and all powerful slo-mo cleavage — has to prevent while also retrieving a few shards and something called the Matrix of Leadership.

That’s essentially the gist of the nonsensical, incoherent, illogical ass-brained plot, and even the six-and-a-half minutes of story seems to get in the way of the other 144 minutes of shit blowing up. There are, of course, even more Transformers in the sequel, which only means it’s even more difficult to tell what’s going on, who is on whose side, and who is battling whom, which becomes particularly problematic near the end where everything is also obscured by a storm of sand.

John Turturro brings further indignity upon his career by appearing as a former government agent turned conspiracy theorist; it’s hard to say what the fuck he was doing in this movie — both Turturro and his character — except to bring shame on his family. Megan Fox is in a perpetual state of glisten and never stops pouting her lips; meanwhile, Shia LaBeouf continues his fast-talking douchenut ways. Rainn Wilson has an incredibly brief two minutes as a college prof — it’s the best two minutes of the entire movie, and the possibility he might return at the end of the film was the only thing that kept me in my seat. I’ll save you the trouble: He does not. [Actually... if the reviewer had stayed on to watch the credits for a few minutes - tedious as it was - he would have seen that this professor comes back for an utterly redundant and unfunny minute-long final scene - DR]

In addition to Fallen, there are a few other new Transformers, including a sand-sucking monstrosity that bites the tip off an ancient Egyptian pyramid (ouch); a senior citizen fighter-plane Decipticon who switches allegiances; a few mini-Transformers; and Mudflap and Skids, the Jar Jar African-American racial caricatures (gold tooth, hip-hop lovin’, bad slang, can’t read) of Transformers, who really are offensive, though it’s not too surprising: Racists have notoriously small dicks.

Lookit: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is Bush League, and I mean that in a purely political sense. It’s chest-thumping, racially-insensitive, sexually provocative redmeat bullshit designed to get needle dicks hard. And that’s fine, if you’re a hormone-addled pubescent Beavis who gets his rocks off on blowing up frogs. But you know that, and you don’t need a review to tell you that Revenge of the Fallen is an epic shit storm so bad you’ll wish you were watching Wolverine. And for a lot of you, that knowledge isn’t going to prevent you from seeing Transformers II, and I won’t begrudge you that. Your morbid curiosity may get the best of you. The confluence of your skepticism of critics, your overwhelming childhood nostalgia, or your desire to see just how awful it is may compel you into the theater. That’s cool — that’s what a manipulative, $100 million marketing campaign will do. But you’ll probably walk out of the theater fuming, itching to murder the one guy in the theater who attempted to start an ovation every time Optimus Prime appeared onscreen (he was met with a round of blank what-the-fuck stares by a sold-out crowd).

But even if you do help to contribute to the $150 million Revenge of the Fallen is likely to gross over the next five days, you can rest easy knowing that, no matter how much money Michael Bay has in his bank account or how many bloated, corporately jingoistic films that he makes, all he has to show for it is an estate that’s the size of Delaware and a babydick the size of your little toe. It’s small consolation.

Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He hides his small penis behind petty insults and personal attacks on Hollywood directors.

Doctor WHO, OverVIEW :)

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a bit of a Scifi nut, and that of the many Scifi franchises out there, none have caused me to obsess and nerd out as much as Doctor Who.

I always enjoyed DW, it gave me nightmares as a kid but there was just something about it that kept me coming back. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, of course, but now that I'm a bit older I recognise the crucial element. it's originality. First, the very premise is quite unique, how many other shows are there where a man travels through space and time in a small blue box? Then there's its other most recognisable elements, nobody really knows who the man is, he changes his face all the time, he's always interfering in history and causing mayhem... if any other show did any of this it would be a blatant rip-off because DW not only did it first, it did it in such a way as to be instantly recognisable. And it's been doing it for longer than any other show around.

DW has also come up with some of the most distinctive villains in Scifi, sure, they've had plenty of men in rubber masks over the years, what Scifi show hasn't? but what other show has had centurions made out of volcanic rock, or a woman so obsessed with plastic surgery that she ends up as little more than a trampoline made out of skin? What other show has had a Repeating Meme, a stone angel, or a carnivorous shadow? Or an Abzobaloff, or thousands of little aliens made out of human fat? Not to mention the Daleks, perhaps the most easily recognised Scifi villains of the lot, and certainly the most popular. And don't forget that 30 years before Star Trek's Borg was were wandering around space turning people into cyborgs, DW's Cybermen were doing that very thing.

I'm really loving the series since it was revived in 2005 after 9 years off the air. Yes, Christopher Eccleston, David Tennant, Catherine Tate and the rest are amazing actors, and yes, the special effects are increasingly superb, but what really makes me love the series is the writing, both the wider story arcs that Head Writer and producer Russell T. Davies has constructed, and also the writing for each episode. DW shows that script and story are of paramount importance, you can have all the CGI you want but if you can't tell a story about people, you're not going to get far(Star Trek: Enterprise, anyone?). So without further ado, here are my impressions of the new Who.

The 2005 season paved the way for a big budget reimagining of the DW universe (which, it has been suggested, is the same universe as Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy). Rose was a great introduction to the new series, showing what happens to an ordinary girl when a fairly extraordinary man walks into her life. The following episode, The End of the World was a powerful story set in the distant future, I particularly love the scene when Rose and the Doctor stand watching the remains of the shattered Earth drifting in space and Rose makes the comment that “nobody even noticed.” Hard-hitting, topical stuff, and what a great way to start a series, with the point at which most Scifi franchises finish! It seems every Scifi show and its dog these days is trying to blow up the Earth for their grand finale, well, all I can say is this is a refreshing change!!

The next episode, The Unquiet Dead was brilliantly creepy, the following two-parter Aliens of London/World War Three was a bit of a let-down, I loathed the Slitheen, butit wasn't all bad, I really thought the characterisation and dialogue between the cast was fantastic. Father’s Day was great but those Reapers were a little cheesy, however the storytelling and acting more than make up for it. Dalek is very nearly the best episode of the entire revived series, but I hardly need to mention that as it’s consistently rated among the top episodes.

The Long Game was good fun and I loved seeing Simon Pegg as a villain, and ‘Max’ was a very cool monster of the week. Stephen Moffat’s The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances is, needless to say, utterly enthralling, sweet but horrific and fantastic fun. Unfortunately the following episode, Boom Town, is a little disappointing, though I do have to give it some credit for making the awful Slitheen a little less irritating, and for showing the ongoing development of Rose’s relationships with Mickey and the Doctor.

And then we come to Bad Wolf/The Parting of the Ways, which finish the season in a fantastic way. I have to say, Bad Wolf is possibly my absolute favourite episode of the entire series, it’s fun and silly and sweet, but it captures the menace of the Daleks, it first introduces and then dispatches the Controller, which is quite tragic, we get to know sweet little ‘Lynda with a Y’ (whose death went a long way to reinstating the Daleks as the ultimate bad guys in the universe), Jack kisses both Rose and the Doctor, and both Rose and the Doctor get their Crowning Moment of Awesome – “Rose, I’m coming to get you” and “You are tiny; I see every atom of your existence, and I divide them.” Serious Wow.

The following Christmas special, The Christmas Invasion, was pretty good, as David Tennant’s introduction it couldn’t have been much better. But the following episode and official opening of the second seasonis far more heartwarming and funny. New Earth is good silly fun, and it’s great seeing Rose and the Doctor ‘on a date’ as it were. Matron Casp is the perfect cat person, the Face of Boe makes a welcome return, and Cassandra’s double entendre on possessing the Doctor’s body, that it’s ‘hardly been used’ is classic. What really won me over with this episode, however, was the tragedy of Cassandra/Chip. I cried. New Earth is a much stronger opening than Rose, and would have to be one of my favourite episodes. This is followed by the visually impressive but ultimately forgettable monster of the week story, Tooth and Claw.

School Reunion was a good follow-up, and it was great to see classic series regular Sarah Jane Smith return. The Girl in the Fireplace was also a wonderful episode, the clockwork creations were pretty horrifying and I’m damn sure that if I’d seen that episode as a child it would have haunted me for the rest of my life. But these two episodes are utterly outclassed by the sheer badassery that is Rise of the Cybermen/The Age of Steel. The alternate London, the re-imagined Cybermen, the ‘ear-pods’ and the long trek through the dark within arm’s reach of slumbering Cybermen, it all adds up to a really exciting story, it could totally have been a series finale. It also felt a lot like the Doctor Who I remember from the 80s, so this two-parter stands out as a highlight of the show’s second season.

The Idiot’s Lantern was another great episode, a little piece of history spiced up with some cheap horror. It was a bit of a breather before the traumatic ordeal that is The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit. This double episode is definitely Nightmare Fuel, but it also makes explicit Rose and the Doctor’s feelings for each other in a powerful and moving way. The next episode however, Love and Monsters, is kind of cute but utterly forgettable.

The season’s penultimate story, Fear Her, should be excised from the narrative, I’m sorry but it’s just awful. It's followed by the Army of Ghosts/Doomsday story arc, which is right up there among the best, we get the two ultimate Who enemies squaring off and insulting each other before engaging in all-out war; it’s hilarious and exciting, frightening and bitter-sweet. Rose’s departure is heartbreaking. And I just love that the season finishes with the unexpected and ludicrous introduction of a bride in full wedding regalia into the TARDIS, to the Doctor’s utter dismay. Classic.

This of course leads us into what is, for me, the defining moment of the new Who, the second Christmas Special, The Runaway Bride. It’s fast paced, bombastic, thrilling, funny, charming and utterly absurd, and I absolutely love it. Catherine Tate rocks my world. Seriously.

Then we have the introduction of Martha Jones in Smith and Jones, the first episode of the third season, and the first Who episode to feature a recurring black companion. It’s a strong start, and a great introduction for the character, she’s smart and beautiful, sensible and strong. Sadly, the third season was the weakest in the revived series, and she didn’t often get much of a chance to shine. The Shakespeare Code, Gridlock, Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks, The Lazarus Experiment, and 42 are all either terrible or completely forgettable.

The series only finally starts to live up to its potential in the stunning Human Nature/The Family of Blood two-parter. This story saved Season Three from mediocrity, I for one would have liked to have seen it strung out over several more episodes. It’s moving and mature, frightening and exciting. It’s followed by the indescribably good Stephen Moffat story Blink (often picked by fans as THE best Who episode, like, EVER), notable for its unusual storytelling and strong horror element, and then by the series finale in three instalments.

The first of these, Utopia, is a great set-up for the final two episodes, the Master’s introduction is enthralling, wonderful and tragic and quite satisfying. It’s like watching a train crash, it feels disturbingly real. The second act, The Sound of Drums is delightfully manic and satisfyingly apocalyptic. What a shame, then, that the trilogy is concluded with the deux ex machina ending of Last of the Time Lords. Nevertheless, Martha Jones endeared herself to me forever by walking out on the Doctor with her head held high. All up, after a promising beginning, Season Three at first failed to deliver, and only recaptured my interest in its second half. Even the by-now traditional surprise season ending, this time a collision with the Titanic broaching the TARDIS hull, failed to deliver.

It turns out that the Titanic that we see smashing a hole in the TARDIS at the conclusion of the third season is not the Titanic that we expect, but a jumbo-sized space-going replica. Voyage of the Damned subjects us to the horror that is Kylie Minogue’s acting, inflicts upon us an irritating cast of stereotypes and smacks us across the face with messianic imagery. Oddly enough, the emotional heart of the tale belongs not to the officially recognised Companion, but to two older gentlemen in minor roles, the first being the amazing Bernard Cribbins as Wilfred Mott, the second being a fraudulent professor who would have made a wonderful Companion.

Wilf’s appearance provides a nice bridge between seasons three and four, as it is revealed in the first episode of the season that he is in fact the Bride’s grandfather, and that the two share a special and close relationship. Donna’s reappearance is one of the funniest moments in the entire series, and makes Partners in Crime one of the most watchable season openings of the new Who.

Season Four goes from strength to strength, fans voted it their favourite season and it is hardly surprising. After the strong first episode we get another historical adventure in The Fires of Pompeii, and a reminder of why the Doctor needs someone with him, and why Donna fits the bill so perfectly. We’re also given a taste of what’s to come; Donna will do a whole lot of crying over the course of this season, and as it turns out, so will we. Case in point: the following episode, Planet of the Ood, picking up on some of the subtler aspects of Season Two’s The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit. This is hands-down the most beautiful and uplifting instalment of the whole of the revived series, and ranks as one of my ultimate favourite episodes. On an emotional level, it would be hard to top, and the following three episodes, The Sontaran Stratagem/The Poison Sky and The Doctor’s Daughter wisely don’t even try, opting instead for military manoeuvres and fast paced action.

The return of Martha Jones in those three episodes is something of a disappointment, she displays none of her customary strength and genius, and instead ends up crying pathetically in a puddle on some alien planet, but this is more than made up for by the enjoyable exchanges between the Doctor and Donna. I’m struck by the thought that perhaps it was necessary to bring Martha back and show her failings to underline the suitability of Donna as the Doctor’s long-term companion. In any case, the season progresses strongly, continuing with the charming and more than slightly ridiculous The Unicorn and the Wasp, replete with comic moments and subtle meta-fictional references.

What follows is what I can only describe as Stephen Moffat’s big sales pitch for where he will take the series when he takes the top job after the departure of Russell T. Davies. Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead return to the Moff’s favourite themes of horror, mystery and romance, with beautiful sets, impressive special effects and fantastic casting choices. The Doctor and Donna get no happy resolution this time, but their close companionship is once again highlighted, setting us up nicely for the next two instalments, in which they’re mostly kept apart.

The first of these is Midnight, featuring the Doctor going off on his own for a spell, and I would argue that this episode is a strong contender for ‘Best New Who Episode.’ There’s only one set for the duration of the adventure, and the special effects are kept to a minimum, but this the most tightly scripted and tense show of the season, and I would say the series as a whole. It’s stressful and nerve-wrecking, cleverly written and brilliantly acted, showing what RTD can do with not much.

It’s followed by Catherine Tate’s powerhouse performance in Turn Left, another strong contender for best episode. Donna wanders off and gets in trouble, and we get some nice continuity touches but more importantly a glimpse at what might have been and a greater understanding of Donna and her potential and bravery, a leap of faith and a whole lot of emotion, from despair and depression to horror and bewilderment, hope and happiness. Watching it, you feel as if they couldn't possibly have packed any more emotion in, and it could be too much of an ordeal if they had somehow managed to.

The episode dovetails nicely with Season Four’s grand finale, The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End, bringing together all the threads from the various stories, demonstrating how the Doctor sows the seeds of destruction everywhere he goes and providing fan service and more than a few surprises along the way. It has often been noted that the science of this double episode makes absolutely no sense, but it almost seems intentional, it’s as if RTD is simply saying “Who cares? The story’s the thing,” and certainly he manages to juice every last drop of emotion out of fans and puts poor Donna through the wringer. The story is huge and dramatic, fast-paced and exciting, and ultimately tragic. The ending is heartbreaking, thanks to some brilliant writing, but also to the considerable talents of David Tennant, Catherine Tate and Wilfred Mott.

We’re left broken and miserable, which is exactly how the Doctor is supposedly feeling, and so the Doctors elated mood at the beginning of the Christmas special that follows, The Next Doctor, is somewhat refreshing, although given the title of the episode we may be apprehensive. But the title is intentionally misleading, what we end up with is far and away the best Christmas Special of the series thus far.

While The Runaway Bride might have uproariously good fun, this Christmas Special follows the more threatening feel of The Unquiet Dead, Rise of the Cybermen, and Utopia , perhaps appropriately given the recent loss of Bride's star. The result is captivating, and David Morrissey brings real depth and gravitas to his role. Finally, however, we see the Doctor accept the invitation to spend Christmas with friends, providing some relief from the increasingly gloomy turn of events in the show.

Planet of the Dead, the show’s first Easter Special and most recent instalment, continues in this vein, being a light and frothy adventure with some impressive CGI and a return to the Doctor’s more cheerful, manic behaviour of days past. RTD promises, however, that this will be the last respite, and that the final three episodes featuring David Tennant as the Doctor and Russell T. Davies as Head Writer and producer will be frightening, depressing and traumatic. The first of these, The Waters of Mars, will go to air in November, and the concluding two-part story will play over Christmas and New Years.

I'm looking forward to it :)

Appreciation Stations!!

I sent off an email the other day to Chris Neale in the UK, owner of the amazing ChrisNeale-Creative website (which I highly recommend any self-respecting sci-fi geek visit). He has created some extraordinary CG renders of Doctor Who and Star Trek icons, and provides details of how he went about creating them.

I was pleasantly surprised when he wrote back to me, taking the time to offer a few inspiring words, so without further ado, here’s my initial email and his response…


Hi Chris,

My name's Danny and I live across the other side of the world in little ol' New Zealand. I stumbled across your site and I just really wanted to say I love your work, the attention to detail is incredible... I'm a bit of a nerd so your renders of the Daleks and Star Trek are faves.

I wish I had your talent!! But I don't, so I will just continue to appreciate what you put together. And because I'm a cheeky beggar, I took one of your pics and changed it just a teeny bit in Paint (yeah, I really do know nothing about CG imaging techniques!!).

Not that your work isn't perfect, it totally is, and it's awesome to see the Renegade Daleks looking like they're not about to fall apart!! But I wanted to see what one of your pics would look like with the larger indicator 'ears' that I'm so fond of (cos I love the old movie Daleks). I also took out the eyespot cos I'm not so keen on that, I always felt it made the Daleks look less threatening and alien - that's why the original Daleks are the best!! Really looking forward to your Super Dalek, too :)

And I TOTALLY agree with you re: Shatner and the Enterprise. Can't wait to see your finished pics!! What did you think about the new movie?

Anyway, you're a busy man, so I'll quit bugging you, and I don't expect a reply, but your work totally rocks, keep it up!!

Danny in NZ




Hi Danny in New Zealand....

I appreciate your taking the time to write, firstly I don't make money from my work, so it is there purely for people to enjoy. I still get email from people who own one of my Challenger paintings (more than twenty years after it was painted) telling me how it has pride of place in their home. The fact that something I have done has made a small difference to someone else's life means far more to me than any amount of financial reward I could have received for my efforts!

Secondly, the fact that you have an imagination and you are interested in science fiction DOES NOT make you "a nerd". Men like Marconi and John Logi Baird imagined that they could contact the Spirit World with a machine... and accidentally invented radio and television respectively, while attempting to do so (something that is little known to this day)! Men went to the Moon firstly because they dared to imagine how it could be done. The idea was a fanciful one that had only ever been written about in science fiction books. It took a great leader with vision, Kennedy... to imagine the effect that it would have on his nation and it advanced the whole world in ways that most to this day still do not realise.

Sadly, the world is seriously lacking in imagination or great men of vision... when you consider that in 2009, two thirds of the population remain in poverty. The nerds... are the men in suits that exploit this fact in order to make more and more obscene amounts of money. They are the leaders who despite knowing that we have reached the point of no return... whereby the Earth's resources needed to maintain energy production are no longer sustainable... they refuse to accept the fact. The nerds won't let them develop new forms of energy production... because they'll stop making money out of the old ones. The nerds won't invest their cash either... because there's no guaranteed short term return on the investment required.

In short, the nerds are responsible for the dire state in which we now find ourselves... from the collapse of the global financial system to the decimation of the Earth's resources! They are the only ones that have benefited from it and they will either die with it or find themselves surplus to requirement when men of vision not only dare to imagine a better world... but begin to do something about it!

So Danny... keep on dreaming and if you have children, encourage them to be excited by the endless possibilities that currently can only be imagined in science fiction! Maybe one of them will turn out to be someone that saved the world... from the nerds!

Take care, thanks for your interest.
Regards,
Chris Neale

Ok, Ok, So I'm A Geek...

A bunch of LOTR nerds got together not too long ago to film one of the segments of the story's narrative that was 'missing' from Peter Jackson's movie trilogy. It's pretty well done, considering the small budget and the fact that these aren't the actors we're all familiar with... check it out at

http://www.thehuntforgollum.com/player_film-youtube.htm

Nerding Out

I loved LOST from the outset, the opening scenes of the pilot caught my imagination and I've been hooked ever since. The whole pilot episode, aptly titled 'Pilot', with monsters in the jungle (a bit like the Guardian from The Boy From Andromeda from my childhood), hatches buried in the ground (reminiscent of Stephen King's The Tommyknockers), mysterious radio transmissions saying 'it' killed them all... How could I not love it?

My interest did wane a little with the whole pushing the button thing, but everytime we get to see the Black Rock, the sonic barrier fence, the Monster, Otherville or some other such mystery (... yes, even that stupid four-toed statue) I get addicted all over again. I have to say, I mostly watch it for the Others, though. LOST's Juliet is the most interesting character on TV. She's so complicated, so completely unreadable. I love that Sawyer recognises she'd kill in a heartbeat, and yet she seems genuinely moved when revealing that Sun's motherhood will mean her death. I love her tense relationships with Kate, Jack and Ben. Juliet rocks!

Thinking more on my LOST addiction, I have come to realise something about myself, and after all, that's essentially what I hope to do with this blog, to explore my feelings and understand patterns of behaviour. I have realised that it's not just the content of the show that has captured my interest, the survivors stranded on an island, having to forge bonds and work together to survive while they wait for rescue, but the storytelling. I'm not watching it for the character development, in fact, aside from the few true originals like Hurley, Juliet and Locke I don't really care about the character's back-stories, least of all Desmond's, even though his is important to the story. The episodes that dwell excessively on characterisation usually just piss me off, I like the plot-driven stuff much better.

And that's where we get down to the nitty-gritty of it. LOST is a mystery story, a puzzle, and a wonderfully complex one at that. It has ensnared me, caught my imagination, as have other mysteries in the past. I love Agatha Christie and Georgette Heyer novels, when I pick one up I can't put it down. Harry Potter, much to my embarrassment, has had a hold on me since I first read the Prisoner of Azkaban in 2004. I got hooked on The Pretender, wondering just how Jared knew so much about Miss Parker, and I always used to read the Famous Five and other kids mystery books. Even Ecco the Dolphin has a strong Mystery Genre thread through it. There are clues to uncover, hidden agendas and things going on behind the scenes. This sort of addiction has happened for me before, it's going to happen again with something else. There will always be a LOST for me, in one form or another, and it looks like I'm not the only one so fanatically obsessed with it. There are hundreds of LOST fansites on the Internet.

This gets my social psychological machinery starting up. This obsessive devotion - where does it come from? Why do books like Harry Potter and shows such as LOST and Star Trek generate such fanaticism? I think it is because we delight in having the rug pulled out from under us in the safety of our own living rooms or reading chairs. They keep us guessing. That's the crucial point - they KEEP us guessing. Star Trek's been going over 40 years now, there's always been Trek on TV or in the movies, and with such a long run it's generated a Bible's worth of intricate plotting, scheming and technology/character development.

You can completely lose yourself in the Trek universe, it's ever expanding. It gave an interesting premise, and has been constantly elaborating that premise, it's become so complex that a resolution or conclusion is now impossible, there are too many loose ends to tie up, so it can never really finish. It may fizzle somewhat, once they finish producing TV episodes and feature films, but the fans have been able to become involved in the story, and so they will continue it, with fanfiction, artwork and debate, for quite some time yet. Star Trek has been a success.

Harry Potter, after it's inital, quite brilliant first installment, has led readers on a twisted, convoluted chase through Rowling's bizarre world, introducing villains and heroes, promising answers then snatching them away as we think we have them, balancing mysteries within each installment with those that span the length of the greater story. Rowling is a genius mystery writer, and her books generate almost hysterical fervour among fans, old and young alike. But I wonder what will become of Potter fandom, when this last installment is released in July, and the series wraps up? If she is clever, and I think she is, she will leave a number of questions unanswered, not the main ones, but those that are perhaps tertiary, and this will ensure that people continue to buy her books and argue about them for years to come.

Which brings me back to LOST. It is the fact that the story is unfinished, that there is much that we cannot know or guess at, that is at the heart of its success. It asks questions, doesn't give answers immediately, and introduces new questions when answering old ones, and so we're kept guessing, and we as fans can live vicariously through the characters, as if we ourselves were in danger, having to exercise our wits to survive, all in the comfort of our armchairs.

When the story comes to a close in 2010, what will become of LOST fandom? Will there still be questions left to answer? I think there will be, as in the case of the Potter franchise they won't be the main questions, but there'll be some fodder for the obsessive, and perhaps there will be ongoing podcasts from the producers, occasionally throwing fans a bone to reignite debate. It's TV, it's all about the money. Or maybe it's leading up to a big movie finish... who knows? Given that the actors will be nearly ten years older in 2010 than when the series began, and that they're supposed to have been on the island less than a year, I think that's unlikely, but I expect there will be some ongoing fan involvement.

And then the next thing will come along, and we'll all become ensnared again...