Snorey Danny...

Stuck at Massey trying to get this blasted essay done on intragroup conflict and minority/majority influence in small groups. Grrr!!!

V tired today, feeling a bit headachey and stiff cos I was up so late last night. Hopefully I can get this all finished and submitted by tomorrow morning so I'll have the rest of the weekend to complete the other one!!

I wanna go home and snooze!!

Seven Cups Of Coffee, And Counting...

I'm going to be up all night!!

OliVaylle Fires Actor Because Of Previous Role

I'm irritated and annoyed. Below I have copied and pasted an blog post I read at http://practicalpolyamory.blogspot.com/2009/02/poly-family-web-series-actor-fired.html

Here 'tis:

This news just in. Terisa Greenan is the Seattle-based creator of the polyamory-themed hit comic web series "Family" that has gotten a lot of attention around the poly community in recent months. Terisa has just posted a disappointing piece of news to her Facebook Notes. Terisa writes:

This is a disheartening story that I feel the need to share for many reasons. Ernie Joseph, who plays Ben on our Web series “Family,” recently shot a commercial for the Australian olive oil company OliVaylle. The commercial was created by Mulberry Street advertising firm and produced by Black Squirrel Productions in Seattle. Ernie was excited about this new opportunity because he was told by the producers that he was likely going to be the new face of the brand, and that there could be a series of commercials featuring him to be produced in the future. Then, suddenly, the plug was pulled on his new advertising gig and the commercial Ernie shot was actually re-shot with a different actor. Producers told Ernie that the owners of OliVaylle had received links to “Family” and because of the nature of the show, no longer wanted Ernie to represent them.

In my opinion this is a terribly bigoted move by this Australian company. I know that there is a large polyamory community in Australia and that many of them are fans of our web series, “Family.” I wonder how they will feel about this. If I could wave a magic wand and make everyone aware of this injustice and the company behind it, I would. Thank you all for your support of the web series, and thanks especially to those of you who aren’t poly yourselves, but are tolerant and open-minded enough not to discriminate against those of us who are, or those of us who are involved in this apparently controversial web series. Terisa GreenanProducer, 3 Dog Pictures

LLCI recommended that Terisa refer Ernie to the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, which routinely offers advice and assistance to polyamorous people who are subjected to job discrimination. The most outrageous part of all this is that Ernie was dismissed for playing a polyamorous character, not for actually BEING polyamorous*. Apparently OliVaylle believes Ernie portraying such a "character" while simultaneously being the face of their product would be harmful to their sales. Sheesh. If you've never see "Family", take a look. Here's the first episode.

One of the comments on the post was:

PolyOz said...
If you really want to make an impact, use this link everywhere you can:OliVaylle fires actor because of previous role This link makes the company name the "anchor text" pointing at this blog post. If it appears enough times, then Google will notice. After that, people who Google for the company will see this blog post on the first page of the search results, right next to the company website.If you are making links to this blog post in an editor which has a chain icon and opens a separate window, just make sure the text you have highlighted includes the company name (spelled correctly).

*He's not.

Cracking Up...

Ok so I found this picture on a blog and just went into fits of laughter for nearly five minutes... dunno why but it's the funniest thing I've seen in months...

Mmmm....

Is there anything as heavenly as macaroni cheese on a cold autumn day?

I think not.

Bisexuality and homosexuality in Japan

Here's a great article on a blog I've been following lately detailing the prevalence of bisexuality in Japanese culture, which makes note of the public perception of male homosexuals as effeminate "women-haters."

This of course has its parallel in Western society, somewhat less so now than in past decades, yet I'm inclined to think that while the stereotype has declined somewhat, the idea persists that at least one of the men in any homosexual coupling will essentially be a girl-in-a-male-body, and that such a feminine man will inevitably partner with a more rugged, 'manly' man, thus imitating and affirming the heterosexual norm*.

Now, this stereotype seems to be promulgated by television, I'm thinking of shows like Desperate Housewives in particular, and I guess by presenting homosexual couples as emulating the heterosexual model, tv writers and executives have done some good in increasing public acceptance of homosexual relationships. And it has certainly weakened the deeply entrenched belief that all gay men are weak and gender confused. But unless the Queer community continues to push for diverse representation, I'm afraid that is where it will stop, and we will have failed to really make significant change.

It's a foot in the door, but we cannot be happy with simply supporting status quo. Too often, gay men make some headway in advancing their personal liberties only to abandon those in the queer community less numerous and powerful than themselves.

Let's not be complacent, then, let's continue to make a noise for the sake of those who are seldom heard.


* Lesbian couples don't seem to be tarred with this same brush - tv land is quite happy to depict both women in a same-sex relationship as feminine because it titillates and panders to male fancy. In fact, it would seem that lesbians have the opposite problem - Dykes and butches are virtually non-existant on tv, the implication being that they're not real women.

Alive

It wasn’t that I wanted
To forget where I’d come from,
But momentum won’t be argued with -
I was just swept along.
Now, looking back I’ve realised
I don’t know how I began,
I’ve forgotten all my lessons
And let slip the life I planned.

I find myself as washed ashore,
My stricken ship abandoned,
The wreckage strewn along the beach,
Seemingly at random.
And gazing back from whence I came
It feels as but a dream –
Some other life, a different world
Out there, beyond the sea.

Yet here am I, despite the storm
It seems that I survived,
The only thing that matters now
Is that I am Alive.

- Danny Rudd 13/04/08

Trans 101

Today was the first day of the transgender seminar here in Palmy, held at Te Manawa and hosted by the Human Rights Commission.

There were two sessions today, a morning session which featured a panel of trans folk from around the region, some from as far away as Hamilton and Rotorua (and one was a teacher at my old high school - Western Heights!!), and an afternoon session focusing on working with trans youth, creating safe spaces and accommodating their needs in existing organisations.

As I noted in my other post about the seminars here(http://liminald.blogspot.com/2009/03/assume-nothing-devinat-5-chaff-2009.html), I've actually been to the same workshops before, when they were held at The New Dowse in Upper Hutt last year. I came away from that experience with a huge respect for, and appreciation of, the trans folks who have been brave enough to front up publicly demanding fair treatment and equal rights. Some of those same people were at today's sessions, but there were a lot of new faces and again I was deeply moved by the sharing of personal histories and the positive, encouraging atmosphere of the occasion.

I met our local representatives for AGENDA and GenderBridge, which was great because they haven't had much involvement with MaLGRA and certainly not with UniQ, so we're going to get together to nut out some strategies for the university and the local queer community. I was also really pleased to see representatives of MaLGRA and YOSS, and even some lecturers from Massey attending. But I was perhaps most impressed to see some of my UniQ kids show up for the later session, I feel like I've been banging on about this for months and was disappointed when none of them showed up to the morning session. I know, I know.... students ;)

Tomorrow there is a session focusing on the Assume Nothing exhibition, also held at Te Manawa, which will feature talks from people actually in the artworks, followed by some performance art from local trans folk. I'll definitely be attending that, and my friend Amelia, she of the incredible talent for sculpture, will be joining me.

For now though, I'll have a nap and then try to make myself pretty(ish) to head out on the town, as my mate Melle is up from Wellington and staying with us for the weekend. I'll post more about tomorrow's shenanigans when once they're past.

Susan Boyle. O. M. G.

Check this out, it's a great clip of a very unusual lady, from Britain's Got Talent.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

What is going ON??!!??

Sometimes I wake up and I panic, because something feels deeply, deeply wrong.

I lie there and think about it, trying to pinpoint what exactly it is that's out of place, sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. It's usually pretty subtle, sometimes it's that something I've seen on TV has been mixed into my dreams, changing the way the world is, and I wake knowing that it's wrong.

Other times I wake up knowing - just knowing - that the world is not as it appears to be, that there are things going on beneath that surface that I do not understand and am not privy to. It's a kind of paranoia I guess.

This morning was one of those mornings, I woke up an hour or so ago and sat down to get on with my work and I still don't know what exactly it is that feels so out of place.

It's probably nothing...

Truth In Fiction

I meant no harm, I most truly did not.

But I had to grow bigger, so bigger I got.

I biggered my factory. I biggered my roads.

I biggered my wagons. I biggered the loads.

Of the Thneeds I shipped out. I was shipping them forth

To the South! To the East! To the West! To the North!

I went right on biggering... selling more Thneeds.

And I biggered my money, which everyone needs.

THE ONCE-LER, from Dr Seuss' The Lorax

Harder, certainly...

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4fmk8_daft-punk-harder-bodies-maleversion_fun


;)

Sir Rupert... the sweetest video ever :)

Ch-ch-check it out!!


http://www.mefeedia.com/entry/sir-rupert-the-gay-knight/12680889

I love this video SOOOO much.

Pork Is The Meat Of Kings!!

Ohmigod this is disturbing. And yet, strangely enticing...

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Pork/

Hahahahahahaha!!!!

Ecco Music - Split the Stream of Time, by Viper.Fox

Very Awesome!!

Viper.Fox has recorded the soundtracks for Ecco I & II and made them available for download... to listen, go to Dark Sea, our favourite Ecco site, here.

Who's the Queerest Of Them All? -- Deviant, Chaff 7 2009

It used to be that lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex people only made it into TV shows as freaks and perverts. We were stuck in the hell that is daytime and late-night talk-shows like Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer, put on display as immoral deviants, predators, home-wreckers. In other programming we were invisible except to be pitied, feared or laughed at. But something’s changed, these days you can’t turn on the TV without seeing a couple of token Queers (unless you’re a Star Trek fan – 40 years homo-free and counting!!). It’s even made it into Coronation Street. My god, my mum is avidly watching gay romance on The Street. But it’s not always a good thing. Just how are we being portrayed, and by which shows?? Of course I can’t cover everything here, but even a brief survey is revealing.

We do pretty well in comedy. Perhaps the best illustration of this new mainstream acceptance of gays and lesbians is the rising star of Ellen Degeneres. She made history with her show Ellen, when her character (and she herself in real-life) came out. Of course the show was axed not long after but she’s back with a talk-show that rivals Oprah in popularity, and she was even chosen to host the 79th Academy Awards in 2007. Seems everyone loves Ellen now. And let’s not forget Will & Grace, the first show in history to have a gay male lead. The show was popular from the outset, though probably more for stereotypically flamboyant and bitchy supporting characters Jack and Karen than for the title characters. It’s like the mainstream likes us best when we’re not just gay, but really gay. Will was played by a straight guy, too. Still, a big step towards equality.

AfterElton.com recently named Scrubs the “gayest show on television,” but I have to disagree, it doesn’t have any lesbian or gay characters, just the sexually ambiguous ‘The Todd’ and the ‘bromance’ between straight male leads Turk and JD. In my mind, Scrubs is outshone by the much gayer Ugly Betty, which has hot trannie chick Alex in one of the main emotional story-arcs, as well as Betty’s camp little nephew Justin, and the hilariously bitchy, obviously gay Marc. Then there’s The Sarah Silverman Program, featuring lazy, scruffy Brian and Steve, two sloppy, overweight Ginga stoners who sit at home playing computer games all day, showing that not all gays are prissy queens, that we can be just as ordinary and slovenly as anyone else.

Family Guy often shows main character Peter as a bit camp, and occasionally hints that evil baby Stewie is gay, but it’s all for giggles and neither is actually a homo according to show creators, so it’s another one where there’s no regular Queer character. The Simpsons is (a bit) better: closet homo Waylon Smithers has been a firm fixture in the cast from the show’s earliest days, Marge’s sister Patty came out as a lesbian and married her girlfriend, and the show once devoted an entire episode to the stupidity of ‘Homer’s Phobia’ toward obviously gay John (winning the show an Emmy), but after that episode John was never seen again.

I would argue that South Park is actually more gay-friendly than The Simpsons and Family Guy, despite its frequent use of the words ‘gay’ and ‘faggot’ as insults. Sure, it’s over-the-top, obnoxious and crude, but South Park is like that to everyone and everything, it’s an equal-opportunity mud-slinger, so it’s actually a more inclusive show than most. And it’s jam-packed with Queers. Cartman’s mother is a hermaphrodite. Saddam Hussein and Satan are lovers. Big Gay Al and Mister Slave get married, and the boys’ teacher Mr. Garrison becomes Ms. Garrison, experiments with lesbianism and switches back to being a man. Butters is sent to Bi-Curious camp to be ‘cured,’ and ends up showing that obsessing over other people’s sexuality actually causes them more confusion and harm than just leaving them alone. South Park rocks.

And of course British comedy has always been full of gay jokes, in fact I can’t think
of a single exception. Probably the gayest of the lot is Little Britain, for a start most of the women are actually men in drag, then there’s Daffyd, the ‘Only Gay In The Village,’ the Prime Minister’s love-sick aide Sebastian, a bickering divorced couple who are actually both gay, closet-homo and Minister of Parliament Norman Fry, and ‘Emily,’ she of the Victorian frocks and constant protests of “I’m a Lady!” All ridiculously stereotypical, but the show’s success has put Queer people firmly in the limelight.

So comedy’s crowded with Queers. Turning to action and sci-fi, though, we find a very different story. If you look at big syndicated shows like Lost, 24, Heroes, Stargate, and the like, you’ll find that LGBT people are either completely absent/invisible or, overwhelmingly, weak and/or evil. Take Lost. Here’s a show with a huge cast that ticks practically every demographic box, and yet there is not one gay, lesbian, transgendered or bisexual character. Or how about 24, where homosexuality either gets you killed or directly results in the U.S. being attacked by terrorists? In fact the only exception I can think of here is Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood, which has bisexual protagonist Captain Jack and pretty much everyone on the show snogging or screwing someone of the same gender at one point or another.

We do (somewhat) better in drama, in at least being visible. ER had a number of lesbian stories over the years but to no one’s great surprise they involved little actual romance or sexuality, and when they did it always ended in bitter disappointments and loneliness. Six Feet Under and Brothers and Sisters also feature gay people and their romantic and sexual lives but again these are shown to be dysfunctional and basically unfulfilling. Similarly, British soaps like Emmerdale and EastEnders have had gay characters for years, but of course they’re always miserable or shocking stories, because in drama and soap-land, no one gets to be happy for long. It’s kind of the whole point. For example, Coronation Street made young Todd’s homosexuality directly responsible for his girlfriend’s miscarriage. Coro’s kind of made up for it though with the first transsexual character in a British soap, Hayley, who is one of the show’s more likeable characters, and now uber-gay Sean, a regular character with a hunky boyfriend. So not all bad there.

Our own Shortland Street has featured gay characters and storylines since it’s beginning, but I’m sorry to say it hasn’t exactly painted a rosy picture. Gay males are inevitably screwed up and go out of their way to hurt people or are killed off pretty quickly. The girls don’t fare much better – they last longer, but it seems they always end up murdering somebody. And where are the transsexuals, the fa’afafine and takataapui people? Still, we do have Gerald, Shorty’s femmy asexual receptionist, and writers did make a brief attempt to play out the implications of this identity for his life and relationships. They could probably try harder though.

It’s nice to see more Queer people on the Telly, but it’s be nice to see more of them in serious lead roles that address their issues without getting too morbid, or that show them defeating the bad guy instead of being the bad guy. I guess for now I’ll just have to stick to animated shorts like Rick and Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple In The World, or watch Queer as Folk on dvd over and over. Or I could take up watching Coro with my mum.

DannyR

Write Your Own Damn Article!! -- CHAFF 4, 2009

With Semester One well underway and assignments starting to clamour for attention, we can all feel a little overwhelmed and stressed out. I know I am. So rather than actually putting time and effort into writing something witty, entertaining and educational, I have decided to throw the CHAFF to the wind, so to speak. Entertain and educate yourselves, Dammit!!

Don’t worry though, I’m not leaving you to figure it out all by yourselves, I’m not that heartless. Not yet, anyway. (Though if I see any more first-years playing on Bebo in lectures instead of listening or taking notes, I may just give up the will to live).

I’ve thrown together a couple of paragraphs (below) deleted words haphazardly, and compiled a random list with which YOU can fill in the gaps* Simply choose a word from the list (or come up with one of your own) and insert it into whichever space you think it fits best, and Voila!! you’ll have written your first CHAFF article. If you’re really proud of your masterpiece, drop it in the CHAFF letterbox and they’ll print it. Then you’ll be, like, FAMOUS.

So are you ready and eager, pen in hand?? Get cracking!!

THE ARTICLE:

You smile from behind the counter as the bell above the door rings and she _ _ _ _ _ _ into the _ _ _ _ , her golden _ _ _ _ swinging freely behind her as she moves. Watching as she makes her way around the room, selecting _ _ _ _ _ and putting them in her shopping basket, you wonder why you’ve never managed to pluck up the courage to ask her out to a _ _ _ _ _ or a _ _ _ _ some time. Every other day she comes in at about the same time, brings a few _ _ _ _ _ _ _ items to the counter, hands over the appropriate change with a smile, and disappears, leaving you feeling dazed and a little awkward.

Today is no different. She gets a carton of _ _ _ _ from the refrigerator, a small packet of lite _ _ _ _ _ _ from a shelf in the middle aisle and picks up a _ _ _ _ _ from the stand by the counter. She smiles as she drops them in front of you, and does that cute thing where she bites her bottom lip as she puts five _ _ _ _ _ _ _ into your hand. You can feel yourself turning crimson, terrified and excited like you always are when she’s standing there in front of you.

Just then two men in black _ _ _ _ _ _ _, wearing balaclavas, burst into the room shouting, pointing guns. You can’t understand what they’re saying, it’s all so loud and it’s happening so fast. One of them is pointing his _ _ _ _ _ _ at the girl with the golden hair, and she’s backing into a corner, her eyes wide with fright. The other one is yelling at you, and slowly, dumbly, you begin to understand. They want you to open your _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. Remembering that you’re supposed to do what they say, you nod, look down, trying to remember how. You do this a hundred times a day, but it seems somehow strange and clumsy now.

That’s when your boss walks into the room from out the back. The guy pointing his _ _ _ _ _ _ at the girl with the golden hair spins around and starts _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, and then your boss is screaming, and then there’s a shot. Everyone _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

The two men in balaclavas run for it. The girl is standing in the corner _ _ _ _ _ _ _, and you can’t understand why – they’re gone. But you can’t see your boss. It takes you a second, but then you begin to understand. He’s _ _ the _ _ _ _.

The whole thing had taken less than a minute.

THE LIST:

storms, sidles, slinks, crawls, bounds,
lair, hole, jail; room, door,
fart, knee, pony, arse, pimp
fruit, clams, STD’s, beers, whips
dance, field, beach, party, match
orgy, club, film, rape, rave
knitted, helpful, naughty, special, rotting
porn, shit, beer, salt, hope
chains, slaves, undies, bosoms, knives
spoon, dwarf, bunny, dildo, rifle
kittens, plagues, beetles, verucas, flowers
panties, fedoras, condoms, pyjamas, leather
camera, granny, midget, bottom, nipple
sexy, dope, meat, bomb, crap
curtains, sneakers, cupboard, man-cave, trousers
camera, granny, midget, bottom, nipple,
proposing, ovulating, preaching, fidgeting, stripping
belches, cuddles, boogies, giggles, parties
quietly, texting, happily, cubicle, wanking
in, at, on, by
shark, blood, phone, kitty, turps


* If anyone’s interested in reading the original, it’s at the back of this issue.


Write Your Own Damn Article – The Original

You smile from behind the counter as the bell above the door rings and she floats into the shop, her golden hair swinging freely behind her as she moves. Watching as she makes her way around the room, selecting items and putting them in her shopping basket, you wonder why you’ve never managed to pluck up the courage to ask her out to a movie or a cafe some time. Every other day she comes in at about the same time, brings a few grocery items to the counter, hands over the appropriate change with a smile, and disappears, leaving you feeling dazed and a little awkward.

Today is no different. She gets a carton of milk from the refrigerator, a small packet of lite crisps from a shelf in the middle aisle and picks up a paper from the stand by the counter. She smiles as she drops them in front of you, and does that cute thing where she bites her bottom lip as she puts five dollars into your hand. You can feel yourself turning crimson, terrified and excited like you always are when she’s standing there in front of you.

Just then two men in black clothes, wearing balaclavas, burst into the room shouting, pointing guns. You can’t understand what they’re saying, it’s all so loud and it’s happening so fast. One of them is pointing his weapon at the girl with the golden hair, and she’s backing into a corner, her eyes wide with fright. The other one is yelling at you, and slowly, dumbly, you begin to understand. They want you to open your cash register. Remembering that you’re supposed to do what they say, you nod, look down, trying to remember how. You do this a hundred times a day, but it seems somehow strange and clumsy now.

That’s when your boss walks into the room from out the back. The guy pointing his gun at the girl with the golden hair spins around and starts screaming, and then your boss is screaming, and then there’s a shot. Everyone freezes.

The two men in balaclavas run for it. The girl is standing in the corner sobbing, and you can’t understand why – they’re gone. But you can’t see your boss. It takes you a second, but then you begin to understand. He’s on the floor.

The whole thing had taken less than a minute.

Danny Rudd

CHAFF Review -- The Unborn (or, Dead on Arrival)

Grade: D, or 3/10

Starring Odette Yustman, Cam Gigandet, Gary Oldman

I love a good horror flick. Sadly, they’re few and far between, and The Unborn is no exception.

Produced by Michael Bay of Transformers notoriety, and written by David S. Goyer, who was responsible for such brilliant scripts as Dark City and Batman Begins, this could have been an awesome movie. Not necessarily a smart one, but pretty freakin’ fantastic.

What’s it about? Well, in a nutshell, there’s this chick who sees dogs wearing masks, gets all upset and finds out she had a still-born dead twin that no one ever told her about. Said dead twin, it seems, is the vengeful spirit of a kid killed prematurely in WWII who had to get back into the world to fulfil its purpose, and who is now blaming his sister for his not being born and is out to torment her. Cue Jewish spiritual advisor, cue freaky exorcism. I thought it was all a bit convoluted in the theatre, and even now, I’m not entirely sure I got the gist.

The music was… bland. The lighting was… bland. The acting was… well, not entirely awful, but pretty mediocre overall. Odette Yustman, though WAAAY hot, has the emotional capacity of a can of cold tuna as Casey, the lead character. Cam Gigandet, the hunky vampire from Twilight, was here just the boring dependable boyfriend we’ve all seen in a thousand other horror flicks. Even the seriously awesome Mr Oldman, playing Casey’s rabbi, was a bit of a disappointment. This isn’t to say that these guys are bad actors, but the script doesn’t really give any of them the room to be interesting.

The whole thing is one cliché after another. This is how bad it is: I sat there counting the things I’d seen before in other, better horror movies… creepy child, doubting hot chick, obscure evil spirit, freakish stair-climb, tricycle, unexpected face in the mirror, etc etc etc. And then there are all the gaping plot holes. I think any film where you have time to sit there cataloguing plot deficiencies is, ultimately, a film not worth seeing. And boy, do you have time. The Unborn could have been half the length it is, and it might actually have been better. As it is, I found myself longing for the closing credits. Why didn’t I just walk out? Because I’m stingy. I paid my money, dammit, and if I’m going to be bored by a movie, I’m going to be bored witless.

I think you get the picture. DON’T go see this film. DON’T be tempted to part with your few remaining dollars when you walk past the cinema and see Odette Yustman’s enticing derriere staring out at you from the film’s poster. Just don’t.

- DannyR

Response to 'Sex With Aunty', Deviant 6, 2009

You're right, Aunty, cheating sux.

If you're the cheatER, you have a lot of guilt to live with, whether you're sprung or not or own up to it, and you have to expend all that effort covering up your tracks, losing sleep worrying and berating yourself. If you're the cheatEE, you can feel humiliated, rejected, inadequate, unloved and unlovable, and a whole host of other none-too-pleasant things. If you're the OTHER man/woman, you might feel anything from surprise or remorse to malicious glee at your involvement. Cheating is most definitely NOT cool.

However, I do feel that I have to take issue with your recent article on infidelity. For a start, I think you probably could have acknowledged that 'cheating' means very different things to different people. Some of my friends, for example, feel betrayed if their partner so much as notices that someboby else is attractive. Others of my friends have no qualms about their Significant Other getting a little intimate with a friend or stranger on the dancefloor, so long as that is where it ends. Still others have no objection if their partner beds someone else, though they usually have mutually agreed-upon rules about how, with whom and when that can happen, and whether they talk about it or not.

I totally agree with you, Aunty, that at the root of the problem is a basic lack of communication, that people simply don't tell their partner(s) how they are feeling, what they want at whatever point of their relationship they're in, and what they're frustrated or dissatisfied with. We don't automatically assume these days that our partner will want to marry us, that he or she wants kids, or even necessarily that they expect the relationship to last for the rest of their life. Maybe it's time monogamy was added to that list of negotiable points.

I flat-out disagree with your assumption that if a man or a woman is looking elsewhere, there's something fundamentally wrong with the relationship he or she is in. That assertion smacks of an underlying preconception that there is in fact some universal way that a relationship SHOULD be. And in an age where the mother of a man's child is not necessarily his wife, where the different marriage practices of different cultures are recognised and very often respected, where some women and men choose multiple or serial relationships, isn't that view a little simplistic?

A relationship, ultimately, is up to the people in it. If they agree that they want lifelong monogamy and a cottage by the sea complete with white picket fence, two kids and a puppy, that is their prerogative. If two or three or however many people decide they want to all live in one home together or separately in several households, dividing their time and emotional energy between themselves, that too is for them to work out amongst themselves. The point though, is that these things need to be discussed.

A lot of the heartaches and recriminations tied up with infidelity are ultimately caused by people not knowing what the rules between themselves and their partner(s) are, having never expected to be in the situation where they are committed to one person but find themselves drawn to another person as well. It's something we don't really talk about in our society, and that needs to change. Yes, there are selfish fuckwits out there who simply don't care what their partner feels or what risks they are exposing their partner to, so I'm not disagreeing with you completely. You very rightly stress the need for honesty and respect for one's partner, and I applaud that. But non-monogamy does not automatically equal dishonesty or relationship dissatisfaction. In sum, to make informed choices, people need to know their options.

That's enough from me. Keep up the good work, Aunty, I look forward to reading more from you!

Polyamorously yours,

DannyR

Assume Nothing -- Deviant 5, CHAFF, 2009

Last year I had the privilege of attending the Human Rights Commission’s transgender exhibition and seminars at The New Dowse gallery in Lower Hutt. The exhibition is built around Rebecca Swan’s groundbreaking Assume Nothing, a beautiful photographic book that focuses on Kiwi transgender, intersex, transvestite, fa’afafine and takataapui people. Her work is innovative and daring, but shows a real sensitivity to and respect for the issues faced by trans-folk in Aotearoa. I was deeply, deeply moved by her work, and the workshops and seminars were fantastic.

Some of the photographs are in traditional portrait style, but there’s a lot of variety. Swan sometimes splits a portrait down the middle to show a transvestite person in both male and female garb or makeup, other times she uses a series of individual shots to show a drag artist’s progression from one persona to another. There are tasteful nude photographs, which answer all those awkward questions a lot of us have about what an intersex person’s plumbing looks like, but still convey the sense of the individual as a whole person rather than just an ensemble of genital bits and pieces, a medical oddity or freak. Some of the works are in black and white, others in bold colour. The real beauty of the collection is that Swan’s photography shows trans-folk as strong human beings with unique life histories and perspectives, real people with individual stories and experiences.

The seminars are an opportunity for the public to interact with some of the people who have put themselves forward in Swan’s work, to hear about their struggles and triumphs first-hand, to learn more about how our society has discriminated against transgender people in the past, how it continues to do so now, and how we’re changing that. I met some really inspiring people from all sorts of different backgrounds, and got answers to some of the questions I’d always had but had been too embarrassed to ask. Ultimately, I came away with a deep admiration and respect for some incredible people, people brave enough to be who they truly are in the face of scorn and rejection from their families, friends and society at large.

The great news is that both the exhibition and the workshops held by the HRC are coming to Palmerston North this year, Te Manawa is hosting the exhibition from the 28th of February until the 7th of June, and the workshops will be held on the 14th, 18th and 19th of March. You don’t have to identify as trans to benefit from these workshops, either. I really recommend you get yourselves along if you can – they’re informative and fun, and you’ll learn a whole lot, I guarantee it.

DannyR

(This piece was accompanied by a brief summary of some Do's and Don't's from another person's work, below)

Trans Etiquette 101

Micah Bazant, TimTum: A Trans Jew Zine

DON’T freak out if you don’t recognise someone’s gender or age, or get it wrong. Apologise (once is enough), and make sure you get it right next time.

DON’T interrogate them about their trans status.

DON’T assume you have the right to any medical or anatomical information about their body or genitals, it’s none of your friggin’ business unless they decide to share that with you.

DON’T EVER share the information that someone you know is trans or intersex, it can be humiliating or even dangerous for that person if you do so. A lot of trans people just want to get on with their lives without people knowing, and besides, ‘Outing’ someone for anything is a pretty shitty thing to do – they have the right to do it themselves if they choose to.

DON’T ask what their given, or ‘real’ name was. This is extremely rude.

DON’T assume you know the details of their transition, they may not be transitioning at all, or might choose to have some operations and not others. Again, none of your business.

DON’T ask if they’re sure about it, or remind them that it’s permanent or anything like that. Most trans people have already done a lot of soul-searching to get to where they are.

DON’T make this all about you, it might feel weird, maybe you’ve never had a trans friend or whatever, but however uncomfortable you’re feeling rest assured living as a trans person is a million times harder.


DO use the names and personal pronouns they prefer.

DO ask if you're not sure how someone prefers to be addressed.

DO take them at face value, let them be who they are now. Leave the past and the future alone.

DO listen if your trans friend has something they want to share about their experiences with you – it’s an enormous privilege, and needs to be respected.

DO educate yourself about trans life, watch films (TransAmerica and Boys Don’t Cry are both fantastic), read books, watch TV shows (Ugly Betty is pretty good), look it up on the net (try http://www.agender.org.nz/ ) – there are plenty of great resources out there, it’ll help you put yourself in your trans friend’s shoes.

And most importantly,

DO treat each trans person as an individual – we’re all unique and not one of us is the same as anyone else.