Dear John... (Stolen from Cracker Lilo's Front Porch)

Dear John,

I've decided our relationship is just not working. This is not because we are both boys; I find you very dull. Though I do like show tunes, I do have issues with "Cats". I feel my dislike of said musical has nothing to do with my orientation. Enclosed are reviews from many gay critics who also found this play boring.

Second, the girl I am now dating doesn't shave and could likely beat you in a fight. I feel my relationship with her does not make me any less queer. In fact, the strap-on we bought online is much better endowed than you are (although I am not making ANY judgments on size). I just mean to say she "gets me" better than you, and I am happier now.

Just because I am now with a female, this does not mean that I want to be purged from the LGbt mailing list. We plan to attend every marriage rally we can make. I may even go back to that bar we met at someday if and when our strap-on dies. When I go there (if it is still there and has not become a hipster bar), I will not be going as a closeted straight man, but as a bisexual. As such, I will not be taking my rainbow flag from the bumper of my car but may have to cover my yellow equal sign if space is needed.

In closing, I hope that our failed relationship will not lead to anger at all bisexual men. Since you dated me, there may be part of your makeup that needs to fall in love with a bi guy. Please don't hold this against all bisexual males as I'm sure at least one of us thinks "Cats" is a great work.