So you’re new to Massey, new to Palmytron, new to flatting and washing your own underwear and having your eftpos card decline when you go to buy 50c noodles at the supermarket. And you’re a homo.
Maybe you’ve only just worked it out, or maybe you’ve suspected for years that something was different about you, in between sneaking a look at Cosmo at the newsstand and turning tricks after midnight at the local public toilets. Whatever. Now you find yourself asking, just what is there to do in Palmerston North when you’re young, broke and lesbian/gay/bi/trans/etc?? Are you, in fact, the Only Gay in the Village??
Fear not, assorted fruits!! Deviant, your friendly neighbourhood Queer* page, is here to tell you all about the sheer fabulousity that is Palmy’s LGBT scene. Are you strapped in back there? Good, now sit back and enjoy the ride.
First stop on the tour, of course, is UniQ (pronounced yoo-nee-cue), Massey’s own Queer student social/support group. We meet on Tuesdays in town at our secret headquarters and work to implement our dastardly Gay Agenda (more on that later), sacrificing kittens to our Dark Lord and plotting to overthrow the government and destroy families. Also, we have cookies. If you’re interested, drop us a line at the email address in the side-bar and we’ll add you to the email list to be kept in the loop, or pop up to MUSA and ask – the staff are friendly and helpful and confidentiality is assured. We also bring you Deviant every week, so make sure you pick up a copy of CHAFF to see what we’re up to.
Then there’s the Manawatu Lesbian and Gay Rights Association (MaLGRA), our awesome local volunteer-run organisation that serves the LGBT community for the district. This is important, so listen up. MaLGRA provides some really great services and hosts some great events throughout the year. Let’s run through them, shall we??
Probably the main one you’ll be interested in is Club Q, our sooper-dooper Queer bar and nightclub down the end of Jersey Lane in town. It’s open Friday and Saturday nights from 10pm, and is a great place to meet people, get plastered for cheap and make eyes at hot guys/girls/whatever without getting your block knocked off. It is the place to be seen, darlink. There is a door-charge, but it’s only a few dollars and is more than made up for by the good music, friendly and safe atmosphere inside and convenience to buses and late-night pie-shops.
Don’t just show up though, because Club Q is run on a Clubs License you need to be a member, or the guest of a member, to enter. There are a bunch of membership options, the cheapest of which is $5 which is more than good enough, and someone who is already a member needs to vouch for you. This sounds like a hassle, but it’s actually a really good thing, it ensures your safety because let’s face it, there are still plenty of homophobic morons out there who feel threatened by anyone of the same sex thinking they’re cute and will smack a homo over for looking at them. But it does mean if you don’t know anyone who’s a member, you’re screwed, and not in a fun way. If you’re in that boat, come along to UniQ, get to know some of the gang, and voila! Problem solved.
MaLGRA also runs a couple of support groups, there’s a Lesbian/Bi women’s night at the club rooms on Wednesdays and a Gay/Bi men’s evening on Thursdays, same place. These groups hang out, go to movies, cafes, and shows, and are great if you want something to distract you from that assignment that’s due Friday. MaLGRA also runs a group for Queer kids in schools, Closet Space, but I’m guessing if you’re reading this you’re too old to go to that. However, if you think you might want to help out occasionally or get involved as a co-ordinator, enquire at UniQ or up at the Club and someone will have a talk with you about it.
MalGRA also puts on some really cool shows and things at Club Q some weekends, and they’re always looking for people to get involved as dancers/drag artistes/DJs etc... keep an eye on Deviant through the year for upcoming events and reviews.
There’s a social cricket match that happens every two or three weeks while the weather is good, it’s usually Lesbians vs Homos but it’s pretty relaxed so anybody can join in, and sometimes the boys actually win!! If sports aren’t your thing, just showing up to watch the drag queens run in heels is always worth a giggle.
And of course there are plenty of things to do that aren’t specifically LGBT-themed but which attract the gays like ants to the delicious Goody-Gumdrops ice cream I dropped on the ground when that bully knocked it from my nancy homo hand just now. Treat yourself to a decent haircut in town occasionally, or chat up the male shop assistants in clothing stores. Try local performing arts groups like the Massey drama club or the Fire Club, attend a poetry evening, check out what’s happening in the local arts scene by popping into the town library and picking up a brochure, or there’s my favourite sure-fire way to spot homos – just hang out at the gym and observe as they pose, pout and preen.
Remember you don’t have to go it alone, there are plenty of people around to help out and to hang with, so make ’09 your year, get active, get involved, get freaky and have fun, ‘cos Palmy (and university generally) is what you make of it!!
*Queer is a reclaimed word that represents sexual and gender diversity, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, takataapui and fa’afafine identities, and we acknowledge that it is not the preferred term for everyone.
DannyR
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